Have you ever been in that situation where you’re so full of self-doubt? You look at everyone around you, they’re progressing. You feel even worse when they’re in the same age group as you.. Schooling and graduation at the same time. But still, there’s a clear line of difference in the paths you’re on. You start comparing yourself to them.
They’ve already been progressing quickly with their lives, while you haven’t. You start to question, “am I a failure?”, “why can’t I be as successful as they are?”, “how did they get a job so fast?” “When will things work out for me?”. All these questions play in your head. See, I find myself stuck in this situation so many times.
Making blanketing comparison to others is an unfortunate never-ending cycle where I find myself in.
But you know what I failed to realize each time? Is that.. Even if we went through the same journey together, it doesn’t mean we’ll all end up in the same situation. I start believing in affirmations; if it’s meant for me, it will find its way to me. Best believe, it’s not always easy to convince myself that things were going to be just fine for me. There were still nights where I’d lay awake, thinking “Why can’t good things happen to me like everyone else?” It was definitely me fighting with my own thoughts. Or “demons” as I’d like to call it…
I could fall into a depressive trap easily at this moment. But thankfully, I’ve learned to overcome those negative thoughts and pick myself back up. I’ll be honest, it’s easier said than done. When I say ‘overcome’, it doesn’t mean I got rid of it fully. The thoughts were still lingering in my head.
Me vs. Myself
It’s true what they say.. You are your biggest enemy or even critic. You are your biggest competition. You’re the only person who can bring yourself down. But here’s the best part, it’s all in your head. You might just be overthinking and that’s normal.
When life gets in between, we tend to lose our confidence for various reasons. The pure existence of self doubt and fear of being a failure can be really destructive if we allow it to continue.
I’ve been in situations where I let my self doubt get the best of me and honestly, it did more harm than good. Because of self doubt and fear of the unknown, few opportunities have slipped away for me. Especially during job interviews or presentation, I am nothing but full of self doubt. And when it clouds over me, it gets the best of me and affects my performance during the mentioned situation. I regret that it happened and there’s no use in crying over spilled milk but learning from previous mistakes.
My self doubt was constantly keeping me away from accepting challenges that can potentially help me to grow and progress. But what I had forgotten was that I am in control of my own fate. I am capable of doing great things, but why is it difficult for me to stop being so hard on myself and for once just give myself the credit that I deserve. Even when accomplishing the smallest of tasks.
Acceptance is Key
I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter where I am in life, despite the constant comparing myself with others; I am where I need to be. Slow or fast, I’m moving at my own pace. And sometimes when I’m in a rut, convincing myself that it’s ok to not always be productive is fine too.
I remind myself from time to time that my productivity, my lack of self-esteem, my fear of the unknown, or my lack of talent or gift does not define me or my worth. And I truly feel like that’s something most of us in today’s generation are. We tend to base our worth on things that aren’t reasonable.
But don’t feel bad for being in tough situations. There’s nothing wrong with allowing and giving some time for yourself to process the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. From there, you can take baby steps on picking yourself back up and getting back into your groove. Focus on making improvements now, and don’t beat yourself up when progress hasn’t been made.
TL;DR
Comparing ourselves creates self doubt and eventually it becomes destructive to your mental health. No matter how hard we try not to, it just happens by nature. But no one knows you better than you know yourself. You know you’re able to get past it eventually, so don’t dwell on it too much. Every time I find myself making such comparison, I try to take a breather and remind myself that better days are coming. I also try to focus on my strengths, be content with what I have and tell myself that I am enough. Again, easier said than done but with the proper mindset, you can get past any negative thoughts.
A reminder again, you are on your own journey. You are moving at your own pace. Learn to accept the situation you’re in, acknowledge it and most importantly don’t look down on yourself too much.
You are capable of great things, you are in control of your situation. You got this, I got this. Comparing won’t do us any good, let’s embrace who we are.