When a man becomes a father or a husband, he is automatically seen as the man of the family. Expected roles are as follows: breadwinner of the family, being the tough and strong one, the one who handles finances, the one who teaches his son how to fish and the list goes on. But wait.. Do you realize what I just listed are all stereotypes of a father/husband?
Fathers and husbands are more than just the common stereotypes that most people associate them with, and that’s what we fail to realize in today’s society. Especially when it comes to child caring. They truly are underappreciated; so shout out to the househusbands out there providing full-time love and care to their wives & children, we see you!
ICYDK, Fathers Struggle with Biases Too!
Fathers are praised disproportionately when it comes to parenting, no surprise. It’s definitely natural to think mothers carry most of the heavy workload; 9 months of pregnancy, giving birth, providing milk for the baby, and the pain that comes after..
And it’s true, Moms do go through all of the painful stuff compared to the Dads. But we still shouldn’t overlook Dads in any situation. Dads today take on as many responsibilities as they can in parenthood. Evidently in doing chores, taking shifts with their partner on taking care of the baby, and the list goes on. However, it all comes down to good communication and understanding between partners when it comes to parenting. It’s something that should be shared because the idea of male being the breadwinner and female as a caregiver is most definitely outdated.
Here’s a few things that I find upsetting when it comes to father stereotypes…
Maternity Leave vs. Paternity Leave
While we understand that it’s crucial for mothers to have maternal leaves, we also tend to forget the one support system they need while in that situation. This is why paternity leave deserves a spot in importance too, so fathers can be there. We shouldn’t leave Moms alone with their child while Dads go to work, unable to apply an off day from work. Imagine how lonely mothers would feel, especially when going through postpartum depression. We truly believe that a father’s presence is most definitely important after childbirth because mothers need all the emotional and physical support they can get. Because hey, childbirth is painful!
Hidden Struggles in Childcare
Maternal instinct is definitely an attribute fathers don’t quite acquire. But this doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of providing love and care for their child. Fathers learn as they go; from changing diapers, showering their child, taking turns in childcare and such. But this is what an outsider doesn’t see.. A father’s contribution. It’s unfair and not right for others to criticise how much a father wants to be involved in childcare.
“That’s Not How You Handle A Child!”
These common biases that society creates towards Dads can be mentally and physically damaging to them. They may feel judged and criticized for the way they choose to parent their children. Dads may start to feel incompetent when criticized, they might even think they aren’t parenting right. But is this the way Dads should feel? No. Especially for the new Dads.. Let them know whatever they’re doing is worth trying and that their involvement in parenting is just as important as being a Mom.
Let’s face it, when we do something the first time, we’re always clueless but we get better as we progress. So imagine doing something as tough as parenting, no one’s good at that naturally. They learn as they go through their children’s development phase.
Newsflash: Good, Caring Fathers Do Exist!
Stay-at-home fathers face stigma on a regular basis as a result of their defiance of social conventions around male conduct. Thank God for the normalization of househusbands today. This further breaks the stereotype of “lazy husbands” or “husbands who don’t do enough” in a household. There is no need to shame fathers who choose to be a househusband while their partners go to work; some men are willing to play a domestic role.
Consider how far civilization has progressed. Fathers who deliberately stayed at home to care for their children while their spouses worked were frequently despised years ago. Today, househusbands, whose numbers are gradually increasing, have managed in redesigning parenthood in accordance with the ideas of their more liberated generation: raising children in a house where parents are not bound by gender norms.
Is There a Way We Can Lessen These Stereotypes?
Dad’s position in the family has shifted considerably in recent years, as he gets more involved in household tasks and decision-making. The culture and mainstream media messages we receive on a daily basis create a difficult environment in which to engage dads and develop a culture where father engagement is valued. This difficulty is intensified by social media platforms.
But if we think about it, society as a whole can potentially break these stereotypes. How, you may ask..
- We shouldn’t judge those who choose to be househusbands, as it is their choice and how they choose to parent. We don’t know the struggle they go through.
- Improve compensation plans or benefits for working fathers (e.g. more WFH option, more leaves for the early child caring days).
- Provide emotional support as men tend to struggle silently.
- Normalize the idea that Dads are just as good as Moms and that they deserve just as much appreciation.
- Create father participation programs or seminars for dads, or direct fathers to groups that offer such programs or courses. It takes time to increase paternal engagement. Some fathers require instruction on how to be a better father.
… And the list goes on. Let us know what else you think we can do better? Comment below!
First Time Fathers on Breaking Stereotypes
Though today’s stereotype on Dads can be quite ludicrous and harsh, fathers, even mothers should remember to take it with a grain of salt. Because the most important thing is for parents to be involved as much during their child’s growth. That being said, new fathers are those that can break these traditional stereotypes by parenting through their own unique ways creating a new norm, that proves men can be good fathers!
Feel free to read our article on motherhood journey here!