The Many Faces of Violence & Abuse: Can We Stop Them?

No doubt in today’s society, violence occurs in every part of the world. Sometimes, for the most absurd reason. Violence upon any living, breathing, moving being is unacceptable, don’t you think? It is truly an inhumane behaviour to be so cruel.  

It makes me question, why do we like to hurt others so much? How many innocent lives are going to be victims of violence and abuse? When will violence stop? Especially against women; the primary caretaker of children, the birth giver, the one who we depend on when we were children (our mother).

These are truly mind-boggling questions indeed that I want to address today.

Violence against women and girls is a worldwide epidemic that recognizes no geographical or cultural borders. However, marginalized women, such as underprivileged women and girls, are more likely to be victims. Typically at the hands of the ones around them or close to them, even the ones they love.

November 25th is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, a day of action that inspires me to dig deeper into this societal issue. One that I feel is hugely overlooked and we can all benefit by being more aware of its happenings around us.

Violence and Abuse Is a Violation of Human Rights

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Photo courtesy of United Nations Population Fund

If we want to talk about violence and abuse, then we will have to define exactly what are their constituents. Domestic violence, mental abuse, sexual assault and harassment, physical violence, and more, are all examples of violence against women. Initially, it may be difficult to recognize the abuse. While some relationships are blatantly violent from the start, violence frequently begins discreetly and worsens over time.

The further you get in an abusive relationship, the more physical and mental damage you will sustain. You may experience depression and anxiety, or you may begin to doubt your capacity to care for yourself. You may feel powerless or immobilized.

This is what abuse is. A means to degrade a person to the point of hopelessness!

It shouldn’t be treated as a crime, but an abuse of human rights.. and that criminal justice is not enough as a solution.

For that, it’s time we say, ENOUGH. STOP. We want to see an end to violence against women.

Normalization of Violence: How and Why

An imbalance of power and control are characters of an abusive relationship. To exert control over his or her partner, an abuser employs frightening, unpleasant words and acts.

Your companion may apologize and promise that the upsetting action will not happen again, but you are afraid it will. You know it will. You question whether you’re hallucinating the abuse, but the mental or physical anguish you’re experiencing is genuine. If this sounds similar, you may be a victim of domestic abuse.

Let’s be real, violence or abuse can happen anytime, anywhere. Whether it be at home, workplace, or public spaces. Mind you, abusing someone does not only apply to physical abuse. 

Verbal and emotional abuse is also as prevalent, considering the long-term effects and trauma that goes with it, such as gaslighting, omitting manipulative behaviours, or threatening an individual. Bear in mind, not all kinds of abuse will show through physical violence.

These actions are being normalized and tolerated today simply because we fail to see the dangers of it. We take these behaviours lightly because the logic today is; if being abused does not leave a mark/bruise, it doesn’t count. Victims are rather seen as dramatic or even overexaggerating a situation. 

It becomes a struggle to reach out or convince authorities. This can be due to “insufficient” evidence, witnesses or any nonsensical reasons. In other cases, they also may feel silenced or unheard, especially when they’re emotionally and verbally abused.

Victims are left to feel alone, feeling hopeless and afraid. And no one deserves to feel that way. 

“Why Can’t They Just Leave?”

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It’s often easier said than done when it comes to leaving an abusive relationship. That’s the reality of it – you love someone, when they abuse you and apologize, you think it’s possible for them to change. You cling desperately to that hope, even if only a glimmer.

But have you heard; once an abuser, always an abuser

The choice to leave a relationship is not easy for anyone. Emotional attachments of the abused are strong, lending strength to their belief that the violence would stop. Not to mention, having financial reliance on an abuser makes it a near impossibility to leave. Familial constraints, be it religious or cultural, also serves as a deterrent from breaking the marriage no matter the circumstances. To top it off, the abuser’s use of more violence or guilt tripping prevents any further actions for the abused to seek sanctuary in the social and justice institutions available. Attentiveness of these institutions towards victims is another critique on its own. Something which I believe can be done better.

Do Abusers Actually Feel Guilty?

The abuser’s guilt follows a violent or hostile event. This self-directed guilt is typically not associated with feelings of remorse for inflicting harm, but rather with a desire to avoid being detected and punished for their acts. He actually feels neither guilty nor sad for injuring his victim. Accepting a “sorry” from an abuser is never acceptable nor does it equal the amount of pain inflicted.

When a man is abusive to his partner. He feels self-directed remorse after hitting her. A typical response would be something like, “I’m sorry for hurting you”. He then tries to rationalize his actions by manipulating the situation. “If you hadn’t been so useless, I wouldn’t have hit you”, as an example.  He then appears repentant, telling her that he would never hurt her again.

That is the trick behind abuser’s guilt. Something that everyone should be mindful off in any interaction with a potential abuser.

Can We Break The Violence Cycle?

At this point, I feel like abuse and violence is something we, as a society, sympathize with, yet some are still out there unconsciously enabling and making excuses for these actions. So honestly, it’s something we can never get rid of, unless humans learn how to control their anger. 

While breaking the cycle may be a tough one, the most we can do is recognize the first sign of abuse. We should be vigilant of any abusive acts that we witness; verbally, physically or emotionally. This lets us to plan our escape better and to be less hesitant in reporting these abusers.

Ease of Getting Help

Victims of abuse may be reluctant to step up and ask for help because they are afraid. It definitely takes courage and bravery for a victim to open up about their abuse.

So when they try to confide in you, try to listen without judgment and validate their feelings. Try to ask if there is any way you can help or support them. Assist the victim in locating protection and care. Look up contact information for shelters, social care,  counselors, and support groups. 

The most essential thing is to let them know you are available to them at all times.

Don’t Hide Behind Closed Doors, We Got You ❤

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Anyone can be a victim of abuse, not just women but even men, children – and even pets. Though it might be daunting to ask for help, it is definitely better to be safe than sorry. Sometimes, victims may not realize that they are being abused, until they talk to someone about it.

If you or anyone you know are victims of abuse or violence, know that there are people out there more than willing to help and support. Support helpline, Talian Kebajikan, or dialing 141 is a good start to seek support from.

Let us all do our parts in curbing violence against women starting today!

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