When my baby was born, no how-to manual came with it though it would be easier if it did. Of course I had no maternal instinct in me, I was overwhelmed with doubts as to whether or not I’m handling my child the right way. But that’s how it is right? Learning as I go, especially as a first time father.
The day I became a father was the day my life changed in split seconds. And when I say it changed, I meant.. It changed, in every aspect. From my time management, my stress levels, sleep deprivation and eventually my physical appearance. Guess I gained a little weight, or I think it’s called ‘Dad bod’.
But don’t get me wrong, I love being a parent, every second of it. Despite the struggles I have to overcome as a first time father, I was willing to learn and turn criticisms into positive ones. It also made me realize how these struggles as first time fathers are overlooked by society.
I guess it makes sense to assume if you’re expecting a child, you should already know what to do with it or at least, how to take proper care of it. But like I said, no manual came with it.
Of course I was okay with the basics but there are few things I wish I knew more of.. And you should read on to find out.
Understanding My Partner’s Mindset
If men could read a woman’s mind, all problems would be solved easily. However, there’s only so much I could grasp on levelling with my wife after childbirth. Despite the physical pain, sometimes we tend to overlook other factors that come after. Such as postpartum depression. It’s important to be there for your partner emotionally during these times.
When postpartum depression is left untreated, it can have a ripple effect, producing emotional pressure for anyone in a new baby’s life. When a new mother is depressed, the baby’s father is more likely to be depressed as well. Postpartum is a serious condition, so it’s important to try your best to be emotionally supportive of each other. Especially for new fathers, it’s significant to understand all the symptoms and effects of postpartum depression to know what to expect.
Knowing How to Handle Emotional Turmoil
9 months of pregnancy can change a woman’s body in many ways. Because it takes some time for their body to return to the way it was, some women may feel insecure about how they look. Although it might be tempting to tell her, “just start dieting” or “try working out”, it may not be as helpful. Sometimes all they need are words of reassurance and affirmations that they are still beautiful even after giving birth. Tell her that the stretch marks on her body doesn’t make her any less beautiful. Buy her flowers, take her on a date, tell her you love her or even give her a massage. Best believe it’ll make her happy and the best stress reliever.
Keep in mind that her hormones would be all over the place. She had just given birth. Her body is healing, and she is getting by on little sleep. She is going through a lot right now. Allow her to cry and be emotional. Be there to console her and to provide her a shoulder to weep on.
Being Able to Provide Financially
Pressure’s always there when you are the head of the household especially with managing finances. Supporting financially has always been an important component of fathering, to provide and protect his family has always been expected of a father since ages ago. Evidently, which fathers are more pressured to do so now because of existing stereotypes.
While we can’t forecast the future, we can expect certain expenditures to arise at certain phases in our children’s life. So it’s best to be prepared when expecting. Such as buying essentials for a newborn, that can be costly. Of course the personal budget will be interrupted in order to prioritize a newborn’s needs. This is where understanding and communication remains significant during parenting, so budgeting for a child is easier.
A couple of tips on this:
- Parents need to agree on what essentials are needed for a newborn to avoid overspending
- Transparency is key. Both husband and wife should discuss the amount of budget allocated into household necessities (including newborn). This is to reduce pressure as problems are to be solved together, and there is no shame in that.
Being Helpful During Pregnancy/Childbirth
Mothers might get so engrossed and preoccupied with their babies that they don’t even have time to eat properly. As a good husband, I try to help with the housework to reduce workload for my wife. I also learned how to multitask in between cooking for my wife, doing the laundry and preparing bath time for my baby. This was so I could have my own time as well.
Here are some important skills to have for husbands during postpartum:
- Cooking basic meals
- Doing laundry
- Washing dishes
- Bathing the newborn
- Changing diapers
It’s important for women to refrain from doing vigorous movements after giving birth and acquiring a healthy diet. In this case, my wife goes through confinement (or berpantang) for her to heal physically and mentally, while getting the rest she needs. Being supportive here means taking care of the newborn while the wife goes through confinement.
Doing Your Best Is Still The Best You Can Do
Being a parent for the first time is challenging and can challenge you mentally, even physically. Making mistakes along the way is normal and it doesn’t mean you fail. But as a reminder, it’s always to be prepared when expecting a child; doing research on what to expect after birth, taking care of your wife etc. It can be a lot, I know.
Plenty of demands when it comes to being a father, including the need to be a provider, a protector, an attentive parent, and working all at the same time – striking a balance can be challenging. However, with the appropriate guidance and support, you start to appreciate all that comes with being a first-time father.
You can’t be the perfect parent or live up to other people’s ridiculous expectations; all you can do is your best. So do your best and don’t be concerned with what others are doing, even if you’re still struggling. Practice makes perfect even when parenting, and we appreciate all the Dads out there for trying their best in child caring ♥️